Thankful for Everything

It is not enough to do your best: you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.
-- W. Edwards Deming

So lately I haven't written anything about life.  I have tried to "participate" in life instead.  I say this here because I recently finished the book "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky, and this goal was adopted by the main character, Charlie.  I have also focused on living in the moment - taking in the joys and sorrows of whatever life is putting before me.  I'm not always super successful at this, but I like to have goals.  

So far this summer - during which I have lived and not written - I am thankful for:
1. sassy daughter
2. waves on a beach
3. picking rocks on the shore
4. realizing that shins can sweat
5. realizing that I can think about the cold of winter and feel better during the dog days of summer
6. listening to really good new music
7. talking with my husband - especially after all these years together
8. listening to my children - especially when they aren't asking questions, but telling about their many, many, many thoughts
9. walking the dogs
10. working at a job that I love, and would still love even if I won the lottery and came to work for free.
11. understanding that I need to really, truly spell out what I want from babysitters, family members and those that I count on for help
12. good new friends
13. good "established" friends (we will never age past 29 in my mind)
14. gaining the knowledge that we're all pretty much the same - politics, religion, culture, etc. are just spices in the big potluck meal of life.
15. learning that Namaste means "I see the beauty of the true you, and I reflect the love of our Creator back to you."  (among many other meanings)  
16. discovering the amazing substance of caffeine.  
17. missing my college days less and less as each new day passes.
18. rainy days that force you to stay inside - or take the chance to go outside anyway and play in the falling water.
19. cool mornings while camping
20. health problems that are only an annoyance and not a road block in my life.
21. understanding that the basis for all actions in the world are based on Love or Fear.  And having the goal to react more often based on Love - no matter what trials life brings to me.
22. celebrating each new day with people I love, who also love me and support me (and occasionally seem to live to annoy the poo out of me :)
23. the chance to tell everyone that I can be a big idiot at times.  No really, it's true.
24. rediscovering sour cream.  How I ever took a ~10 year hiatus from eating this joyful substance is really beyond me.
25. eating all sorts of "bad for you" things all summer, then going to the doctor and learn that I've actually lost weight.  
26. laughing.  As often as possible.  About as inappropriate a thing as I can possibly find.  Like poop.  (Yes, kids, it's still funny.)
27. driving in the much disliked Minivan of Motherhood, with all the windows open and the radio cranked, car-seat dancing with my kids.  
28. taking on new projects
29. always having more to do with my day than day to do things in.
30. always having more people I want to sit down and talk with.  If you are reading this, you are likely one of those people.
31. requesting a popular new book from the library, being 271 in "line" to get it, and being too busy to even check what my number is until I realize my "Hold" on it has passed me by, and being 271 in line to get it again.
32. walking thru the library to "see if any book pops at me" and checking a few "pops" out to read.
33. getting something done off my list (like this list).
34. not ever finishing everything.  I do like to finish a couple of things - but come on!  

motherhood and all that jazz

So you may know that my mom and I don't usually see eye to eye.  She's an interesting person, filled with lots of good blessings.  Maybe we are just a little too much like two sides of the same coin?  I don't know.  I spent years in college psych classes having teachers inform me that I needed to figure this "core relationship" out.  At that point, I was more interested in keeping some good distance between us - to avoid conflict, hurt and a huge amount of annoyance. 

But now, I'm older and I've got my own two little slices of me.  And hanging out with lots of other moms, I feel myself sliding into intermittent fits of jealousy at hearing how one mom or another can call up her mother, rely on her to help out, or just hang out with her on a routine basis.  I can't.  And that's okay too.  My mother is busy with working, and politics (not my flavor, but very involved), and church (ditto previous sentiment) and whatever else fits her fancy.  I can't be part of those groups she's in.  And I want to give her that space.  She chooses to have more distance between us.  Okay.  I can intellectualize all this for myself, and what it means for my life.  But I do mourn over the sweet relationship between Grandmother and grandchild that my own kids are missing out on.  That part sucks.  Royally.  And I don't know that I'll ever get over that. 

But the part of all this that I can be absolutely thankful for (and amazed by) is the presence of my mother-in-law in our lives.  She lives all the way down in Arizona, and we have more contact with her during the year (and even week to week) than with my own parents who live twenty-five minutes from our house.  She is an amazing woman, who I thought I had appreciated during the years we spent getting to know each other before my husband and I had kids.  But now, I feel like she is a mentor mom to me.  Someone who has this amazing ability to make anyone who she's around feel comfortable and loved.  I hope that someday, I can be half the mom and grandmother she is.  I'll live a lot closer as a grandma, unless my own kids move down south (heat and I don't mix well).  But that's far from the point.

So this mother's day, while I'm celebrating how much I have changed through motherhood, and the life I share with my husband, I'll be pulled in two other directions as well.  I'll be thinking of all my sister-friends who have difficult or lost relationships with their own mothers - those who have mothers like mine with miles of emotional distance between them and those with mothers who have passed from this world with light years between what was and what is today, and everyone in between.  And I will be thankful down to my soul that I can spend so much of my life with the mother who nurtured and guided my husband to be the wonderful man (and father) he is.  And I hope she understands at least a little bit of how amazing and important a person she is to us, and especially to me.  Thanks D!  Here's your cyber hug!  Can't wait to hug you in person this summer!

Happy Mother's Day everyone!