Someday

someday sleeping through the night will be normal for me.
someday the stress of being finished with dinner, kids ready for bed and the house in a calm hush by 8pm will be a memory.
someday my daughter won't need me to gently hold her hand as she falls asleep.
someday my son won't ask for a snuggle, and a book, and a back rub, then tell me he really is not tired.
someday i'll clean the dinner dishes and be amazed by how much food i am not throwing away.
someday i'll be able to stop at more than two stores in a row on errand day.
someday i'll be able to send my kids out of the house to play and feel okay that i can't see them at all times.
someday i won't have to schedule my day around naps.
someday my son won't scream when i wash his hair in the bath.
someday my daughter won't freak out, thrashing and screaming, for what seems to me no real reason.
someday i'll be able to watch the news or a sitcom without jumping for the remote to change the channel while trying to figure out how to have a talk about what was just on the t.v.
someday i'll have a job i go to everyday where i have full conversations with adults.
someday i'll be able to call someone without having to run to lock myself in the bathroom or bedroom when a screaming fight erupts.
someday my daughter won't be obsessed with wanting everything her brother has, does and says.

someday.

but then,
someday my kids will be doing their own thing, leaving me to wonder and worry about what that actually means.
someday i'll have to try to balance working my own full-time job with family time.
someday i'll lose sleep over a child missing curfew.
someday i'll have to force my kids to schedule their day to include me.
someday my daughter will scream at me and i'll likely still not know what she's freaking out about.
someday the dinner dishes will only include my husband's and mine.
someday my son will turn down a PDA from his mom.
someday my daughter will feel too independent to hold my hand.
someday my kids will be living their own lives and will need special days to remember to catch up on each other's lives.

so for today, i'll breathe deep when my kids demand one more round of backrubs at bedtime, when i have so much more to do.
i'll make sure to plan times to stay connected with my friends so i don't feel completely out of touch with the adult world.
i'll accept the fact that i have limited time, energy and attention to spend on shopping, cleaning and other outward-appearance activities.
i'll give up a bit more of what i want to do today so that i can make sure my kids and my husband have what they need.
i'll make sure to stay connected with my husband so we can lean on each other when one feels ready to lose their mind, and so we can still lean on each other when our kids are on their own.
i'll remember that childhood is short and this crazy love i have for my kids and my husband will last for forever if i remember just how fast it's all going by.

and when i just want to curl up and cry about how tough this mom job is, i'll remember how funny, how interesting, how joy-filled and how humbling it is today.

how far i've come as a mom.

how blessed i am to have such wonderful kids.

how thankful i am to know so many fabulous moms.

how lucky i am to have a husband who loves being "mr. family man" even when we argue about what that name really means.

how fortunate i am to be able to stay home with my kids today.

and i'll be thankful that today is just today, and that someday is still pretty far away.