Thinking about Mary

Yeah  Life has been busy.  Lots of lists, things to buy, how to budget the last few items I always forget about, extra good cleaning for overnight guests, how to share appreciation for all those around me who do so much to make my life better without going any further into debt, trying to remember just why it is we do all this preparation for this funny day so late in our calendar year.

I helped out with my church’s Christmas program this year.  It was quite honestly one of the most wonderful things I’ve done with children in awhile.  After all these years focusing on younger children, I had the chance to work with 5th graders.  Big kids. 

I helped them with the bible readings.  So for weeks before the program, I had the opportunity to go over and listen to the selected readings with these kids again and again.  The bible is definitely not a favorite book in my “arsenal”.  But the story of Jesus’ birth (as historically improbable the need to record people in their hometown is) makes me think. 

Being a mother, I’ve been lamenting over the story of Mary.  All that we know of her tells us that she was young, and held a very strong faith in God.  She was from a good family.  Okay.  So her fiancé was about to ditch her when she said she was pregnant with God’s child through the Holy Spirit.  Nice.  Not that I wouldn’t have done the same; her story sounds crazy, but his reaction doesn’t put Joseph in any “holy hierarchy” light.  He only agreed when the angel (Gabriel?) came to him and told him to man up and marry her. 

Then this nutty, and improbable travel to Bethlehem came up.  Mary is “well with child”, she’s getting ready to settle down and prepare for the birth.  And Joseph takes her on a trip, for what must have taken a good couple of weeks, to make the government happy.  Away from her friends and any family who might have helped her.  I’m not thinking that Joseph was either or brought along a midwife.  Then, he obviously didn’t “call ahead” cause they couldn’t find a room to rent for their stay.  Really? 

And in the two nativity scenes I have at my home, and pretty much all those currently produced, Mary looks calm and happy.  She gave birth to her first-born son, who she strongly believes to be the son of God, in a stable with smelly animals.  Then they open their “new digs” to visitors, important ones even. Sounds like a fun time.

So we will be hosting my husband’s wonderful parents off and on during their stay in Minnesota.  My husband is currently on a trip, and will return the same day his parents arrive.  He has taken a new position this year, and has needed to spend extra time reorganizing the program and such.  My calendar has at least one extra event on almost every day until the new year.  And just because we're extra busy, the paychecks don't come extra often, and I continue to juggle when I need to.  So it’s been pretty much up to me to take on all that is Christmas.  (*He did do a wonderful job decorating outside and in - thanks, sweetie!) 

Every time I get down when I’m dealing with these crazy-long lists of “must haves” we create for ourselves, I think about Mary.  She (seems to have) kept her calm, and held onto her faith in God that everything would work out.  Really.

Now I’m not about to give birth and going on a long, arduous journey.  I do not have worries about my honor and marital status (as far as I know :) ).  My main responsibility is to make sure my family and friends feel loved and appreciated and most welcome in my home.  I have often missed that mark in the past, as I held my focus on the shallow ideals of having all the perfect “things” for Christmas.  I have become frustrated with many, failed to be appreciative of loads, and become angry and sullen right in the midst of what should have been a celebration of a new life (His and mine). 

Honestly, I’m still going to push myself too hard.  Stay up too late.  Worry about too many little things.  Freak out about timing and perfection at least twice.  But I am making a commitment to myself to remember to take a deep breath and remember Mary.  And then, say a prayer of thanks that my calling is not her’s.  I’m pretty sure I would’ve told that angel, “Thanks, but no thanks.”  And then where would we be?

Wondering what's on the Horizon?

My husband, the wonderful man who agreed to spend the rest of his life with crazy old me, is also a fabulous high school band director. He works around the clock to make the quality of his teaching better; in kind, making the experiences of his students richer, the environment of the school better and the connections to the community (and outside it) stronger. And I don't just say all that because I love him (true but not the point).

So right now, I live in Minnesota, the land of my birth. And we are in the crapper with school and state budgets. Those who've been on the line or out of work from other professions know just how terrible it feels to be "let go." Being a band director is always a tenuous career. Fine Arts are never at the top of a school's educational requirements, even though they surely make the educational experience richer and more fulfilling for everyone when they are included. I feel for the administrators who have the burden of choosing which educational areas in each school will lose out. That's exactly what's happening right now. So many livelihoods that bring joy and richness to the educational experience are being "cut" out of the budgets, in big part simply because our governor refuses any compromise on his motto of not raising taxes. (He's from my own home town and he's a dinkus.)

Where is all this going? Husband called me today, while I was driving my late self and the Toddler Queen to pick up Mr. Monkey Man from preschool. Husband shared the news, his position at the high school he works at this year (and for the past 7 3/4 years) will be 1/2 time next year (or a .50 position). He's not sure what else he'll be doing in the district. He may well be able to fill in the remaining .50 of his full-time position with other teaching assignments in other schools. His seniority level is such that he SHOULD be able to do that, if the staffing cuts do not go that deep.

We've talked about this over the last few months. What would we do if his position was cut fully? What would we do if it was "trimmed"? What job could I take that would help and not just go to pay for childcare? (which is one factor in my current SAHM position- I am an Early Childhood Teacher by profession so my paychecks have always been small)

I don't want to share any of this with Mr. Monkey Man. My father was on strike for 9months while I was a young child, and I loved that my parents kept their financial stresses off my little shoulders. So I will just work on keeping our expenses low, I guess. I already make my own household and laundry cleaners. I take the kids to free or super cheap activities. I do my best to stick to a grocery budget. I shop consignment and thrift stores for cute clothes for the kids and I. I cook dinner & plan for dinners at restaurants. I even save stamp money by sending bills out through my bank. If I could cut my own hair without looking like the crazy person I often feel like inside, I totally would, just to save the cash.

As much as we are stressed about all this, I do understand fully that we are so fortunate. We have a home that we can currently continue to pay for. I am able and willing to seek additional employment, and I was fortunate to be raised to know that jobs are just jobs - your pride should never limit what job you will take. My children are old enough for me to feel safe putting them in the care of others, if we need to. My husband will still be employed. We have loving family close by who can help. We are all healthy and have good health care coverage, if only for the next few months (worst case). The love we have for each other has only grown over the years, and it will help us get through anything.

And God has something amazing in store for us. As a nation, I've witnessed a new focus on family happiness, good health and helping others. I know that so many families are broken and scattered because of all this economy crap. I pray that those families find ways to be safe and to make it back to a better life. But I do find my heart thankful that the "need" for constant materialism has waned and we are waxing into a happier state of life. I just wonder what will be ahead for us, oh, and I hate waiting.