Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Pregnant? Seriously??!!?

So I'm wondering, when did it become acceptable to ask a woman if she is pregnant? I mean, I was ALWAYS taught, by experience and by mentors, that you NEVER ask any woman "Oh, are you expecting?" or "So when is your baby due?" unless she has said directly, while rubbing her extended belly, "Ooh, this baby is really moving around in there." or some such statement.

I've never been very thin. And I've never been very fat. Just a jolly middle ground. Then I had two gigantic babies. Delivered by cesarean. The second cesarean surgery done by a much more friendly surgeon than my first, but I'll take competent over friendly any day. Then my second child was a much lighter eater than my first, and I actually gained weight while nursing. So what was once my small buddha belly has become a hodge podge of scars and fat.

My summers are also my most hectic, crazed season of life - squeezing in travel, work, get togethers, fairs, concerts, date nights and anything else that might come up in this warm weather season. So my drive to go get some exercise completely dissolves. But while I was at the doctor recently, I found I had only gained 4 pounds. That would've felt like a triumph after this summer's antics, but I've had three random people ask me if I am in fact pregnant. I mean, I'm 38, completely satisfied with the two beautiful people who call me Mom, and have struggled through years of fertility treatments. If I ever was pregnant by normal means, I would take out a frigin billboard announcing it - and would be wearing a button or t-shirt at all times proclaiming our surprise and joy.

But it is nice to know that random strangers are helpful enough to point out the fact that I do not carry my extra weight in my butt. I do not carry my extra weight in my thighs. But I do carry all that lovely squishy fat in my belly.

I will always take the high road and gracefully smile and say, "No, I'm not pregnant" and then have daydreams about punching the commentor in the face. But please remember, unless the woman is screaming in pain that her water just broke and she needs an ambulance ride to the hospital to deliver her baby, don't ask. Wonder all you want, but don't ask. Seriously.

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