Tuesday, January 24, 2012

a letter to my high school boyfriend...

the title of my post is a loose translation in a way, since i don't know if anyone would have ever given the title of boyfriend/girlfriend to the relationship i had in high school.  this guy was a sweet guy, but we had almost zero chemistry.  which was pretty amazing since, at the time, i was ready to have some sort of chemistry with anyone.  but guy one was a good start. 

we hung out in the same social group, and since the girls to guys ratio worked out in our favor, and we thought the other person was interesting, i guess we started "dating".  i don't really know how he felt about me physically.  the only physical contact he had with me was giving me light punches in the upper arm.  they didn't hurt (hey, i've always been a feminist, and no matter the level of desperation, i would never have agreed to abuse) but i found them really annoying.  i told him so, but i guess he thought i was playing coy.  or maybe that was his slow, methodical try at foreplay.  not sure.  we never kissed, so his plan must have been REALLY REALLY slow. 

but i was in high school during the era of real notes.  on paper.  written while you were supposed to be paying attention to whatever the teacher was blathering on about.  (so being on the plastic honor roll doesn't impress you so much?  ah, well, sometimes the lessons of life take precedence.) 

this guy wrote the BEST notes.  for a girl who reads constantly; who seeks out spoken word & poetry; whose all time favorite movie is "Amelie" - this was an ultimate catch of a guy.  he would share what was going on in his home life.  what he was struggling with emotionally.  he cracked jokes.  he gave the sweetest compliments. he wrote to me e-v-e-r-y single day.

the only drawback, he didn't do the same in person. 

so we didn't last long as a 'couple' and he was a person with much more conviction than i and he left school (instead of just floating through till the end like i did).  so i only saw him one time after we 'broke up' and he seemed afraid to talk to me, so i didn't say anything either. 

so, for the record, guy one - thanks for showing me what it's like to have a guy move slowly (even if it was way too slowly).  thanks for the extravagant gift of the perfume (i still feel guilty giving you the box of crap i gave you.  forgive my sixteen-year-old stupid self.)  thanks for helping me understand what i really needed and wanted in a guy.  (i'm happy to say that i found all that stuff.  he doesn't write me the kind of notes you did all the time, but he does often enough.  he's kind of busy being the guy blathering on in the front of the class :)  he does a much better job with the rest of the relationship stuff though, and doesn't move quite as slow as you did.) 

every once in awhile, when i see someone from high school, or i catch my 15-second tolerance level of Glee, i think of you.  i wish you well.  i hope you are happy, and i hope you are sharing your life with someone who loves you back.  i hope you know that you were a gift to me.  you were a gentleman, which is a pretty tough thing to be in high school.  and a pretty amazing thing to be with someone who isn't sure she wants you to be. 


your girl number ?

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