what is a gift?

Well, the elections are over, and here in Minnesota, I hold hope for the future.  Being a Democrat, I know many offices are now housing Republicans or other more conservative peoples.  Though I am disappointed by that, I do honor the fact that these people jumped into the game of running this place.  (I also understand that in our current political climate, it's damn hard to accomplish anything you want to, so that does give me hope and a good laugh.)

But now that the campaigning and voting is over for the year, my thoughts turn to the holidays.  My son's 6th birthday comes in just over a week, and then Thanksgiving, cousins' birthdays, friends' birthdays and then the celebration of Jesus' birth.  All include presents, food and getting together with people we don't see very often.  Lots of fun times ahead, but also a lot of pressure.

This year, I've tried to take a little of the craziness out of this season by shopping for gifts and planning homemade things in advance.  Overall, I think I've got enough stuff to give away to fill about 2/3 of my list.  That is a great feeling of calm.  But then, I also don't give my own kids many gifts.

I think back to what my parents gave my siblings and me for birthdays and holidays.  I know that these times were always festive and fun, but I don't remember ever getting exactly what I wanted (or thought I wanted).  No Cabbage Patch doll when parents bum rushed the doors at Target as soon as they opened, then fought over whatever dolls were on hand.  No Members Only jackets, or Michael Jackson purses.  No Sweet Sixteen party at the Holiday Inn ballroom.  Sad life, right?  But I did receive lots of lovely presents.  A sweet "Jennifer" doll.  A Walkman radio/tape player with batteries that I used immediately to listen to "Wild Boys" by Duran Duran (the thought of which was always more intriguing than the real life versions).  A really good 35mm camera I used for YEARS until after I was married. Along with loads of time being outdoors together, learning about other cultures, celebrating with my huge extended family and my parents' lifetime friends... all things that have brought me joy and shaped my view of the world.

As a teen, I would be so upset, disappointed, angry, and depressed that my parents had not chosen to go into serious debt to fulfill all my material desires.  I understood that things weren't all that important, but I did really want them to throw caution to the wind once or twice and just buy what I told them I wanted.  Now, I understand that things are only things.  And generally, these are things that I will spend my years cleaning up or keeping updated (like this ancient iMac I write this on).  So I am thankful that I learned, not only that my lack of material things pushed me to get a job (paper route & babysitting at 13- always had a job since) but also to cherish the challenge of making my own fun.

I was pushed to write this because next week, I'll be throwing a birthday party for my son.  He chose the theme of Halloween.  We picked out things for the party on Nov. 1st (clearance!) and will do fun things like having a dress-up dance party in the basement.  He'll receive enough presents to keep him busy until Christmas, and will then get more.  I can't choose what he'll get as gifts, and that's good too.  But right now, this soon-to-be-6 year old is playing with his little sister, working on a big cardboard box my sister saved from her friend's recycling bin.  They are playing with my husband's set of Fisher Price Little People (choking hazard be damned) and having a great time.  The toys carefully purchased at the best toy store in St. Paul sit idly on the shelf.

Taking the new toy catalogs from the Sunday paper will give my kids hours of enjoyment: looking at the pictures, talking about what they like and don't like and circling things they think they want.  I could feel bad that we don't have the money to buy them the latest and craziest toys, but I won't.  Any disappointment they might feel when they don't receive all those pieces of plastic circled in the paper will be short lived.  We will put on jackets (and soon, snow pants and scarves) and go play outside.  We will find new treasures at the library.  We will visit friends and renew their joys in the toys already on their shelves as we play with them together.  And we will inherit new boxes to play out newly invented stories, and make memories of our own.

So if you are coming to a party at our house in the next months, and you worry about what present to get my little ones, remember that the best present you can give is time and creativity.  That's the gift I am giving my family this year (okay, a few awesome toys & things as well).  And it's the only one that is too precious to return, and always runs out too soon.  Oh, and to include a bit of spunk to this post, if you bring a crappy, plastic, noisy "just-to-bring-them-something" gift to my house, you may just get it back.  A roll of tape, pack of paper and something to write/draw/paint/construct with are so much better.

Kudos to all the people out there who taught me (and continue to teach me) that time with loved ones is more important than more stuff filling up my house.  (On this weekend of All Saints, I honor the hard work, love and dedication put forth for my benefit by my grandparents, who have gone forth without us; Mathew and Rose, Arthur and Ilene.  And my husband's grandparents; Herman and Grace, and Frank.)  Each of my grandparents taught me to reuse what I had, think hard before I buy something new and pass on whatever I no longer use to someone else who needs it.  Good things to learn then and now.

See the Good

I have a great Dad. We seem to think the same way; have a similar life view; are both mostly happy go lucky with a tinge of the macabre. I have always enjoyed being around my dad, okay, maybe for a few years during my teens neither of my parents were really on the top of my list of people to hang out with, but the forced contact was usually quite nice.

My dad was recently in a pretty serious car accident, and while the doctors were checking him over with tests and scans, they discovered that 1) he was relatively unharmed by the accident while his truck was totaled and 2) he had a cancerous tumor on one of his kidneys. What? I guess doctors don't usually discover this type of cancer until it has spread and taken over other areas of the body, so his car accident was really a miracle.

We talked on the phone tonight - mostly about my little family's trip to the U.P. of Michigan (WOW! So amazing! More on that later) - but we also talked about faith and religion. About how so many people in our world use religion to tear others down and spread hurt and fear. My dad is such a wise and loving person; such a good role model; such a great person to talk to.

The subject of hatred and fear through religion keep coming up for me lately.

I just read the weekly email from our church and this is what is read:
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.

1 John 4:18

"Amor omnia vincit. This old Latin saying means, "Love overcomes all things." There is no obstacle or any destructive force so great that love cannot overcome it. I am reminded of the words of the old French carol, "Now the Green Blade Rises" - a song that speaks of Jesus as a grain of wheat:

In the grave they laid him,
Love by hatred slain,
thinking that he would
never wake again,
laid in the earth
like grain that sleeps unseen:
Love is come again like wheat arising green.

Hatred is one power in this world that seeks to slay love. The rest of the carol is equally vivid in its description of other destructive forces in our lives: grief, pain, and, as 1 John points out, fear. But the power of love is pure and indestructible. The resurrection was proof of that. Perfect love casts out not only fear, but hatred, grief, and pain. The final line of each verse of the carol offers vivid testimony: no matter what we face in life,
"Love is come again, like wheat arising green."
Love overcomes all things.

Prayer: Lord Jesus, sometimes the harsh realities of life make me fearful and anxious. Thank you that your love always springs up in my life and gives me hope. Amen."

I'm still not sure if the faith that I have, the love that I share or the prayers that I give truly define me as a Christian, but tonight I know that I don't care one lick about what I am defined as by others. I know that the peace I feel in my heart is the way I determine how well I am following the path the God I believe in has set before me. I know that everyone has the opportunity for that peace and joy - and by everyone I mean every single person on Earth. Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Athiest, Agnostic, or in search of a flock.

However you see Jesus' role in human history, most agree that he was a great man who shared love and respect with everyone he came across in his short life. Man, that is so difficult! But it's a good example to strive for. See the good in everyone. A new mantra for my meditations. Especially when I find myself bristling against someone - see the good.

I hope others return the favor. (Thanks Dad)

Ways to show I love myself.

Ways to show I love myself. Sounds kinky, but I'm taking this seriously. What do I do to show myself that I am a valuable, important, deserving human being? Okay, maybe I'll take out Deserving, because I think the word Deserve has lost all meaning, but that's another topic.

I was reading my daily message from Flylady.net. (If you have any home cleaning issues, it's a great resource for conquering clutter, limiting the overwhelming chaos, and feeling empowered). Part of today's message was about different ways to renew your spirit and provide yourself moments each day of love toward your best (and sometimes worst) lifemate.

Flylady said:

Dear Friends,

How do I love me, let me count the ways!

On our "Renew your Spirit" day we can do this in many ways. This is all about you and what you need and like. Here are some ideas for you to try. You get to pick and choose.

1. Go to church
2. Listen to wonderful music that you don't hear often
3. Watch a movie that you love
4. Read a book
5. Go for a walk or a hike
6. Sit quietly in your favorite chair with your eyes closed
7. Take an extra long bubble bath or shower by candle light
8. Make a pot of soup for supper and let it simmer all day in the slow cooker while you relax
9. Take a nap
10. Go for a drive
11. Turn off your phones
12. Sit outside and listen to the birds
13. Take your dog for a walk
14. Curl up on the couch with a magazine
15. Build a fire or light a candle
16. Do a crossword puzzle

How do I love me? Let me count the ways!

Slow down and enjoy the moments by doing something you love to do and not
feel guilty over it. It could become a habit to each day. Peace is
contagious!

Loving yourself is all about reducing the stress in your life one
moment at a time.

~FlyLady
....................................................................................

What a great thing to work towards in life! Doing something for yourself each day - not spending money, not being selfish, just doing something that will bring joy to your heart while doing it, and while thinking about it after.

This weekend, the husband and I took the kids and the dogs on a camping trip to Wabasha, MN. It's not too far a drive for us, and generally in the opposite direction of most weekend travelers in the Twin Cities. Wabasha is the town where the story of the Grumpy Old Men movies is based, and many places around the town were featured in the movie. That's a fun thing to note, but Wabasha is also a cool little town! It's on the banks of the Mississippi River, with loads of things to do both in town and in the surrounding natural areas as well.

We spent a great deal of our time at a campground called Pioneer Campsite. For camping destinations, it was pretty good. They had a pool (filled with well water so it had a slightly rusty but clean color), a huge Rainbow play system playground area, and is right next to a boat launch for the river. We had a great time, but as with all campgrounds with a large number of seasonal sights, the facilities were a little less than clean. They were far from gross, but I never saw proof that the bathrooms were cleaned during our stay and the men's room never had hand soap. All that aside, I had the opportunity to enjoy many of my favorite summertime activities.

I took the kids over to the pool for a dip. The shallow end was still 4 feet deep, so I got in to the Whoo-Hoo Cold! water and held onto the kiddos while they had goose bumps from the chill and squealed with delight. Check One for Fun.

I took a walk under the stars. It was only up to the bathroom after everyone went to bed, but it still counts and it was amazingly beautiful. Check Two.

After everyone else went to bed, and I had showered, I snuggled up and read a book with a little flashlight. Listening to the night noises while reading a book (though I wish that book had been a bit better) was magical. Check Three.

We spent one full morning walking around the Lark Toystore which has to be one of the largest and most amazing toy stores in the world! We rode a hand-carved, absolutely incredible carousel, played a fun game of mini-golf, enjoyed some fudge, and played with so many fabulous toys that the husband's head was literally spinning. He had to take a break and walk the dogs along the grassy area outside. The kids were in love with the entire experience. I loved that it really only cost us the price of one toy they could share, a cool picture the husband wanted for the basement and some inexpensive fun times. *Lark Toys* makes their own line of natural, wooden children's toys that are so cute and fun! I wish I had more money to send them out to everyone. Check Four.

We then drove toward the town of Pepin, WI and found a fun restaurant called The Pickle Factory nestled in between the train tracks and the river (or Lake Pepin, it's hard to tell where one starts in that area). We watched the boats and the trains while enjoying a tasty lunch. To get there we had to drive through the wetlands surrounding the Mississippi. I have never seen such a beautiful, intriguing natural area. It would be perfect to kayak around through the natural waterways through the woods to see what no one on any motorized vehicle could ever see. Check Five.

The husband and the kids built great campfires (very safely, of course) and we had great times sitting around, roasting marshmallows (that no one ever ate) and enjoying the moments. Check Six.

Oh, and we even went on TWO hayrides around the campground. The resort owner, Paul, took out the tractor and wagon and took anyone who wanted to go on a bumpy, dusty, fun ride around to see all that the campground offered. Everyone riding on the wagon took on the role of a member of a float in a one-float parade. I had the chance to chat with other campers (adults and children alike) and see what everyone else was up to. It was such fun. Check Seven.

Great trip. Even while I was making sure everyone else was safe, sunscreened, bug-repellanted, fed, washed, and having fun, I found moments throughout the days to do things just for me. Or to live in the moments we were enjoying together and take a mental picture of that wonderful spot during our time camping.

I'll look back on those moments now that we are home, and I look forward to our next camping trip (heading back to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan- Porcupine Mountains!) where I hope to hike, nap and play more, but always find moments each day to remember the joy in my own heart - to celebrate that fierce love I have for me.