I just didn't plan for recovery time. I'm an introvert. For some, being an introvert means they would be just fine living alone or far away from other people. Honestly, I could live that life for awhile, but it's not me. For me, being an introvert means that, while I love spending time with people, especially during times of celebration, I expend amazing amounts of energy doing so. Then I need to tuck myself away again and recharge. Oops. While I planned out everything else, I forgot about how short a "morning with no plans" can actually feel after a full day of running. I didn't think through the need to have a few kind and thoughtful comments to share with those who were gracious enough to invite me and my family into their homes. I overlooked how important it is to not only plan for things that I want to or must do, but to plan for time and flexibility to meet the needs of others I love.
So now, I'm in January. I am feeling guilty for all I forgot about. For all I did and said, and didn't do and didn't say, because I wasn't prepared for the work of the holidays. I am having a 'January of my Soul' time.
In Minnesota, January is a month of cold air, cloudy days and snow. This January has been about a LOT of snow, which in theory is wonderful, but also tough to handle. This funk is tough to handle. Yuck. It's work, and I want to be done with this work. But that isn't my reality right now. Not sure that I'll ever be, and I'm okay with that (if I have to be. It beats the alternative.)
I am now planning time and activities to recharge. I am working to reorient my focus to really being thankful again. And meaning it.
I am not there yet, though I understand that being aware of a problem is a big part of overcoming it.
Right now, my mantra; my recurring statement to my psyche; my awareness of my inner curmudgeon is: Life is a balance - you are on the far side of joy now, work to get back.
I listened to experts discuss a variety of studies on how meditation and self-awareness can positively impact depression. (To anyone reading this, I do NOT have depression. January funk isn't a medical condition
I just returned the book, "Happiness," by Thich Nhat Hahn, to the library. I've focused my meditation and prayer (same thing) on my breaths and my walking steps. I am aware of all those negative thoughts that come into my head; those emotions that bubble up and make me feel less in control. I acknowledge them and I let them pass, as best I can. I know this helps. I will do more now and tomorrow. I will sit in the sunshine pouring in through the windows. I will watch funny shows and movies. I will run and play with my children. I will snuggle and laugh with my husband. I will be thankful each moment for that moment.
No moments are guaranteed in life. Happiness is a choice I make with each breath. Gratitude is a force that continually screams from my soul. I'm ready to listen to it again, even though it is sometimes drowned out by the sound of my self whining.
I am thankful. For everything, I am thankful.